


In My Head (The Visions Never Stop)

by Amortentia_Zarry



Series: Hard Feelings [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dancer Pansy, Emotional Hurt, Engaged Drarry, F/M, Gen, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Pining, Pining Pansy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 23:44:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13891638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amortentia_Zarry/pseuds/Amortentia_Zarry
Summary: Because for all the years that they’d known each other, Draco had only ever been sad. Had only ever had a storm brewing beneath his eyes. Only Harry can make him happy. She can never do that- not with all the love in the universe.Not her.





	In My Head (The Visions Never Stop)

**Author's Note:**

> So it turns out that I will actually continue with this by turning it into a series. This is set in the same world as the previous but can be read as an individual work as can the previous one. This one’s Pansy and Draco but the next part will focus on Harry and Ron.
> 
> Harry Potter and any characters associated with it do not belong to me but to J.K Rowling. This is purely a work of fiction.
> 
> -Savannah

Flying.

It feels like flying

...without the broomstick. 

Like magic without a wand.

It’s just her and her body. And her body is her wand. Every move, twist, turn, twirl is a spell. A beautiful, complex spell so intricately woven by each delicate step, each pirouette. It’s invigorating.

Every step feels like a leap. 

‘Claire de lune’ hums in the background, each musical note flowing through the very core of her body as she turns her bones into water and moves like a stream, elegant and calm, soft and sparkling. She is lost in a dream. Becoming more and more submerged in the sound of the music and the feel of her feet moving across the parquet of the flooring.

A large snowy owl swoops through the open French doors of her studio. Pansy is broken out of her trance suddenly. She stops and holds out a smooth, white arm. The owl lands and looks expectantly to her. It digs its sharp talons into the soft flesh of her arm. She can hardly find it in her to mind as she reads out the swirling black font. 

‘Draco L. Malfoy and Harry J. Potter hereby request the pleasure of your company at the celebratory ball held in honour of their engagement-‘

She is still. 

Droplets of blood fall from her arm like scarlet tears, as she tries desperately to hold back the ones in her eyes. She uses her wand to accio a treat for the owl, and barely waits for it to leave, before flinging the invitation into the flames of the crackling fire that doesn’t burn as bright as the pain in her chest.

Pansy switches the music to Metallica and throws her body into the sway of the music once more.

This time she is dancing to forget.

~

She is lost in a sea of people, most of whom she knows, most of which do not know her. Draco knew many people, loved to be the centre of attention and woo’d many with his undeniable charm and dashing looks. He was what muggles might refer to as a ‘social butterfly’. People still seemed to fall at his feet. Even with the regrettable past that he carried like a sack of bones of all the dead corpses of the people he’d been forced to torture, to kill. All to save the very people who had put him in that position. She supposed Harry also played his role in that. 

Draco was so different now. 

So far from the person he had been when he’d mindlessly followed everything his bigoted father said, partly out of respect and mostly out of fear. Pansy would never forget how Draco would just appear on her doorstep, purpled with bruises and riddled with a pain that went beyond physical. His grey eyes always cloudied by the storm that brewed within him. Now when she looked his way he seemed almost...happy.

Harry appeared next to him, golden ring glinting in the light of the stars that shone from the enchanted ceiling. He leaned in the whisper something in Draco’s ear, draco craning his neck slightly so he could reach and then he smiled.

Draco smiled.

A real genuine smile, ivory teeth on full display and pink lips stretching across his face. Pansy stands, stunned. Slowly Harry reaches up and places a gentle kiss on Draco’s cheek and Pansy’s heart is throbbing now. 

And this isn’t fair. 

Because she should be the one kissing Draco and making him smile and wearing his ancestors’ ring. And Pansy will love him with everything she has and she would make him so happy, except...

she wouldn’t. 

Because for all the years that they’d known each other, Draco had only ever been sad. Had only ever had a storm brewing beneath his eyes. Only Harry can do that. Only Harry can make him happy. She can never do that- not with all the love in the universe.

Not her.

And Pansy feels like she can’t breathe, like her lungs are filling up with salt water and she can’t fucking breathe. She feels it burn like fiendfyre in her chest. Tears run down her cheeks like acid before she can even try to stop them, and somehow she can’t even find it in her to care. 

All of sudden her glassy eyes catch Draco’s.

Her legs give way and-

~

“Pansy.”

“Pans.”

“Pansy!” 

She is startled awake by a masculine voice calling her name. She slowly pries open her eyelids, letting light filter through. She is met with the familiar slate grey eyes of Draco Malfoy. Concern is smattered across his face. 

Her heart clenches.

“Draco?” She hears herself question. Her voice is faint from exhaustion.

She watches Draco’s face flood with relief and something stirs inside of her. Something light and beautiful and fluffy and sad. And she doesn’t know what do with that, with these feelings. And maybe it’s from exhaustion or maybe she’s drunk on the feeling of Draco’s hand clutching hers like a lifeline, like she’s something precious to him, someone he’d thought he’d almost lost but didn’t or maybe it’s because she can feel the years of pent up emotions bubbling underneath her tongue, begging to fizzle through the flesh and fly out. Maybe it’s all these things and more but-

“I love you.” She blurts it out so suddenly that she can still taste the letters rolling around inside of her mouth. 

Draco stops stroking her knuckles and looks somewhat bemused. Her breath catches in her throat.

“I love you too, Pans.” He says and Pansy can tell that doesn’t understand what she’s trying to get at. 

There’s a feeling of nausea washing over her like a dark spell and she feels like she wants to vomit. Suddenly she feels all the confidence seep out of her and replace itself with bone deep anxiety.

“I- that’s not what I meant.” She’s practically shaking now. Draco raises a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Draco, I’m in love with you.”

The colour drains from his already pale face until all that’s left is a ghostly white. He visibly gulps.

“Pans I- When?” He asks quietly.

Pansy wants to cry.

“Third year.” She whispers. 

She’s looking down now, can’t bear to see the look on Draco’s face. Can’t bear to see the love that’s not there. That will never be there.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks.

“I didn’t know how you’d react. You were so different back then...” she says, her eyes stinging.

He’s begun stroking her knuckles again and she doesn’t find any comfort in the action. Not now. Not when she’s baring her soul to him, her everything to him and he doesn’t even feel the same. 

“You’re my best friend.” He says softly. “You’ve always been And you’ll always be. I would’ve tried to understand. You mean a lot to me.”

“Just not as much as Harry does...” She doesn’t know why she says it. She doesn’t know if she can stand the answer. 

But she feels his hand tighten around hers.

“/Just/ as much as Harry does.” He says, firmly, like there’s no question about it. And Pansy feels her heart clench again. “But I’m not going to lead you on, I could never do that to you. I want you to be happy and I don’t think you could ever be happy with me.”

“But you haven’t even tried!” She bursts, wrenching her hand away from him. 

A part of her knows she’s being irrational but how could he possibly know if he’s never even bothered to try. Never even gave her a chance.

“Pansy, I’m gay.” He says it like he’s sorry. Like he wishes that he could change it. Change it for her. Pansy.

But Pansy doesn’t want him to change himself. And Draco looks so torn like he doesn’t know what to do. Like he’s scared. Scared that he’s about to lose his best friend.

Pansy is torn too. Pain burning from the very core of her being. 

“Please,” Draco pleads, his voice hoarse and...sad. “Please understand.”

Draco is crying now and Pansy just want to hug him. So she does.

“I do,” she whispers into his neck, her own hot tears soaking his shirt. “ I do understand. I just need time.”

Draco’s arms are wrapped so tightly around her that she is barely breathing but she hardly minds. 

“I can’t lose you too, Pans.” He whispers back, so scared, so afraid.

Every part of Pansy hurts right now because her heart has just been ripped out of her chest and stomped on by the person who means the most to her in the entire universe and yet-

“You won’t.” She promises.

**Author's Note:**

> Next part will be a continuation of the first one.
> 
> Comment and stuff:)


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